The Developing Sense of Self: Psyche, Soma and Stillness (pt 1)

In the previous posts we have been exploring ways to find/feel/embody the components of the psyche that fall under the category of ego or self-sense. These I – me – mine patterns of mind activity (citta vrttis) have their origins in infancy and continue to develop and strengthen through childhood and on into adulthood.

The ego structures themselves are actually quite necessary for our navigating the world of time, space and forms, and only become a problem when their root assumptions about self and reality are flawed and their functioning becomes chaotic or stuck. Because the imprinting onto the ego of the cultural conditioning known as parenting and socialization is so powerful and mostly unconscious, discovering and healing these flaws is highly challenging. However, if we can discover the deeper pre-cultural, pre-conditioned roots of the ego structures and learn how they might function in a more healthy manner, we can find ways for healing and continued growth. This takes us to embryology, somatic intelligence and the origin and nature of all forms.

Studying the universe by observing the macrocosm through telescopes, the cellular realms with microscopes, and the microcosmic level of atoms molecules and smaller particles through particle accelerators, clearly demonstrates the essence of all forms, including life, is dynamic fluidity and impermanence.

Forms arise, remain relatively stable in their outer expression amidst the continuous internal changes, and eventually break down into smaller forms or dissolve into pure energy. Birth and death are a continuous and intertwined dance throughout the cosmos. Through meditation we discover this same truth at the psychological and emotional levels as well. Thoughts, sensations and emotions arise, and in time their transient nature is discovered. As we learn to rest in meditation, the unchanging primordial stillness that is the source and support of all forms may reveal itself as our own True Nature.

Resting as primordial stillness is mentioned by Patanjali in sutra I-3 and the goal-less goal of the direct path practices in Buddhism such as Dzogchen, mahamudra and shikantaza (just sitting). The reality is that much preparatory work is necessary before ‘resting as Stillness’ can become a ‘stable knowing’ and that is where our work with the egoic structures can be very helpful. Knowing Stillness comes through knowing birth, death and impermanence, and when our egoic structures learn how to dance with the cosmic music, we can let go into eternity .

The Vedic culture of India expresses the cosmological processes of birth and death clearly and elegantly in their sacred trinity, the Divine Beings Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. The cosmic role Brahma, the creator, is to bring forms into being, from sub atomic particles to galaxies, from butterflies to human thought. Vishnu, the preserver, is in charge of sustaining the existence of all forms throughout their allotted time period. Then Shiva, the destroyer, comes along and dissolves the form back into mystery.

As we dive more deeply into our somatic forms and explorations, we find the sacred process of creating, sustaining and dissolving in the embryological development of an infant. Here biological structures emerge and dissolve along as fluids, tissues and cells slowly complexify and grow to create a unique human being. By studying this somatic process we can discover insight into how our egoic structures might evolve into healthy expressions of the psyche.

At conception, the merging of egg and sperm, the yin and yang of life, gives birth to an ongoing and complex dance of development, growth and learning, through molecules, cells, organs and organ systems.

All forms arising throughout creation follow the Taoist dance of yin and yang. By definition, forms are yin, with yang supporting as the shadow or hidden dimension. All movements, whether arising, stabilizing or dissolving are yang, with the yin supporting in the background. Healthy forms exhibit both yin stability and yang flexibility. In unhealthy forms, stability becomes stuckness, stagnation or rigidity, and flexibility degenerates to chaos and disorganization.

Early on in embryological development, forms arise and dissolve. Not all of the cells arising after conception become part of the fetus. Some become part of a protective shell (the zona pellucida) that breaks open and dissolves after two or three days, ‘hatching’ the inner cells. The ball of inner cells is still not exactly the embryo. It eventually implants into the uterine wall and some of the cells become the placenta, some the amniotic cavity, and the rest the embryo itself. At birth the amniotic cavity and the placenta are released and the infant emerges.

The developing embryo also gives birth to transient structures. The kidneys, as seen to the right emerge in three overlapping phases. The original protonephrons are no longer necessary when the mesonephrons appear and they degenerate and dissolve. As the metanephric structures appears, to become the mature kidneys, the mesonephrons are slowly dissolved. Quite amazing!

By the end of the first trimester the yolk has disappeared, having given birth to the early digestive system and the vitelline circulation has been taken over by the heart-body circulation. At birth, the most of the umbilical arteries and veins become obliterated and become ligaments, while others are taken over by the heart-body circulatory system. Also, at birth, a new circulatory system comes on line when the lungs become engaged with breathing and the heart begins to pump blood through them. The conception vessel in the Microcosmic Orbit carries the memory of these older circulatory patterns and they make a wonderful somatic exploration that we will pick up in the fall session of Embodying Presence.

For every unique soul-being this dance of stability, adaptability and change continues through embryological development and birth to the grave, and beyond through other evolutionary cycles of birth and death. Of crucial importance to note for our inquiries into soma and psyche is that in the early stages of embryological development there is no brain. The body knows itself as a vibrant open space with moving fluids embodying and carrying the cosmic intelligence that governs growth and development and transformation of the cells, tissues, organs and organ systems. The fluid, cellular somatic intelligence is available to us now, in our practice and lives if we can only learn to find, feel and nurture it. But we have to ‘bypass thought’ through deep listening to do this.

By birth, the brain has become the dominant modality of knowing and cellular intelligence recedes into the unconscious. Most of the physiological structures have completed their differentiation, are outwardly stable (the liver remains the liver) and continue to grow in size into adulthood.

Within the stability of form, impermanence continues as cells and tissue infrastructures (fascial configurations) continuously wear out and die to be replaced by new ones. This physiological intelligence, the body ‘knowing itself’, continues to govern the flow of aliveness but remains unconscious and unseen.

At birth, with the infant’s physiological separation from the mother, new psychological and emotional structures we collectively call ego begin to emerge as patterns of mind-body activation. A key component of the ego structures are the boundaries between self and other. On the most tangible level of reality, the boundaries are obvious. A tree is a tree, a rock is a rock. If we are hungry, watching someone else eat is not going to satisfy our hunger. All expressions of the world of form can be differentiated from each other in some way.

As living organisms, we do not want to become one with the traffic as we attempt to cross the street. On a more subtle level, as infants and young children, we want to be developing a more clear sense of what emotions and thoughts are our own and which belong to our parents. Psychic/emotional boundaries are necessary to help us clarify our individuality and authenticity while surviving in a complex and challenging world.

This emergent process of individuating is complex and challenging as we also want to be able to dissolve our ego boundaries and merge with other beings in a state of shared love and wholeness. This skill allows us to feel and sustain deep connections to other beings and the fullness of creation while simultaneously retaining our own authenticity and capacity to be at home with the innate alone-ness of our inner world.

Ideally, the embryological dance of dissolving (yin) and re-configuring (yang), even though unconscious, can continue to inform and shape the evolution of the ego structures and boundaries of the self as we move through life. Mental and spiritual health involves the dance of adaptability, stability and impermanence.

However, the reality is that because the brain has become the dominant mode of knowing, the cellular/fluid intelligence is soon overridden. The brain absorbs the cultural coding and patterning known as parenting and socialization and these become the dominant force on the developing ego structures. Thus, they can easily become stuck in dysfunctional and pathological patterns.

Because fundamentally, all forms are emergent expressions of impermanence, the capacity to dissolve and recreate boundaries is natural. In other words, the boundaries do not have to be solid, fixed or permanent but can actually be both stable and in constant flux, as are any and all aspects of creation.

We can see that a tree has boundaries and is differentiated from the world around it. That tree! But, because of our culturally conditioned blindness, we do not see the flow of energy, minerals and nutrients, from the sun, air, soil and waters, moving through the tree and back out again.

We miss the role of the birds and squirrels, insects and lizards that are a crucial components of the ecosystem that nurtures the tree. Any tree can be differentiated, but never separated from its environment. And that environment extends from the earth to the sun, the galaxies and the Cosmos as a whole.

Differentiated is another way to say unique. Every expression of Divine Creation is unique, never seen before its emergence, unique in all the stages of its life journey, and never to be seen again after its dissolution. In the world of the living, this is true for individuals as well as species. The most important quality of uniqueness is authenticity, the capacity to be fully and honestly yourself, with all of our human imperfections, without needing to pretend to be someone or something else, no matter what outer pressures may be arising. Psyche and soma, rooted in stillness, expressing the moment, just as it is. No more, no less.

Humans seem to be the only species that has a major problem with authenticity and this comes back to how we create, sustain and confuse the role of the ego boundaries and build a world view from this distorted perspective. We will continue this story in the next post.

Sadhana Part 2:

Kriya and Ashtanga Yoga

If there is a universal teaching about discovering what is Real and True, it is that to ‘Know’ the True Self is to know Stillness or Silence. Our personal identity has to land here and then ‘let go’. Books by contemporary spiritual teachers Eckhart Tolle, ‘Stillness Speaks’; and Adyashanti: “My Secret is Silence’, attest to this. Father Thomas Keating, a modern contemplative Christian has observed: “God’s first language is Silence. Everything else is a bad translation.” Taoist master LaoTzu, implies ‘Silence’ when he begins the Tao Te Ching with the line “the Tao that can be spoken is not the True Tao.” Patanjali defines ‘yoga’ in two sutras: I-2: ‘yoga is bringing the mind to Stillness’ and I-3: ‘the Seer (then) stably abides in its True Nature.

To put it another way, Spiritual Awakening arises in and as Silence or Stillness. In sutra I-2 Patanjali points out that the innate busyness of the mind is a major impediment to both the first glimpses of awakening and also remaining stable there. In fact he completes his definition of ‘yoga’ by adding sutra I-4: (at other times …ie… when not in the state of yoga) mental activity is mistaken identification for the Self. This brings us back to our original statement that Awakening involves a shift in personal identity.

The inquiry into Silence and our own true Self-Identity is a crucial component in Spiritual Awakening, but because we begin with a self identity composed of mental activity, this process can often careen into more conceptualization and imagination. It is extremely easy to just change the mental activity so that if feels and sounds more spiritual, but that is essentially putting a halo on our still diminished self. Changing our behavior, however, from self-centric activities to life-centric ones is very important.

Fortunately, there is a very tangible and palpable embodied clue that can help take Spiritual Awakening from theory and concept to experiential realization, and that is the human heart, our heart, and the boundaryless field of energy emanating from it. By relaxing our attention into the heart and resting there, the depths of Silence and the seeds of infinite peace and Awakening to deep wisdom and compassion begin to sprout. The heart can be felt physically, physiologically, emotionally and spiritually.

Stably remaining in the heart is anything but easy as mental habits that avoid depths of the heart, created over years and lifetimes, do not dissipate easily or quickly. From this perspective we can see sadhana as a process of opening and awakening our hearts and discovering the infinite depths of wisdom, love and compassion emanating from the Silence there. Sounds easy, but the reality is that very few even begin the journey and even fewer Awaken. To understand why the spiritual path is incredibly difficult to live and embody requires an understanding of not only what we are awakening to (Silence)but we are awakening from.

As mentioned in the previous post, at the beginning of our lives we are helpless infants totally dependent upon others to care for us, and we develop powerful emotional bonds with our care givers. But over the years, with luck and support, we gradually develop more and more skills and strategies for taking care of our physical, emotional and psychological needs. This constellation of emotionally charged skills and strategies known as the ‘ego’ contains concepts, ideas memories and beliefs that emerge from an on-going ‘self-sense’ based upon feelings of separateness, inadequacy that are inevitable and quite natural for both infants and unsteady and ungrounded toddlers.

As we move through childhood and adolescence, these egoic energy patterns also accumulate various wounds and traumas from our interactions and relationships with others. As we mature into adulthood, these wounded structures often stop evolving and healing, remain unconscious, and yet continue to strongly influence our relationship to ourselves and the world around us. These wounds and traumas in turn lead to the relentless pursuit of activities that attempt to mask or repress these tortured feelings but never resolve them. This is the wheel of samsara and suffering, for ourselves and those around us.

Only when we make a conscious choice to stop and examine our own behaviors, habits and decision making can the resolution and healing begin. This is sadhana, which begins with recognizing these mental patterns and determining how they motivate our behavior. Why do we do what we do? What impels us to act, or not act in the world? Do our choices in life, large and small, help lead us to Awakening, or keep us trapped in a never ending spiral of suffering and confusion (samsara)?

This is true for individuals, but even more importantly for society. In our historical moment of extremes and rapid change, we need to understand what forces and factors motivate society as a whole to make decisions. The first seeds of awakening is the motivation to take up a spiritual practice, to walk a spiritual path, and Patanjali, like the Buddha, offers a very clear path to get us started. The Sadhana Pada, the second chapter of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, (the first chapter, the Samadhi Pada, actually offers more advanced variations) begins with the three practices of Kriya Yoga:

Tapas or discipline; don’t wait to begin practicing; the time is Now! and stay with it, with patience and devotion. Abhyasa (investing energy in developing mental and emotional stability) and vairagya (letting go of behaviors that perpetuate suffering/ being objective about the reality of forms) are two disciplines previously mentioned in the Samadhi Pada.

Svadhyaya or self study: What motivates me? What are the underlying or even unconscious forces that move me to act? Also, what motivates an Enlightened Being? The conversations between Arjuna and Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita dive deeply into this process. Study of writings by those on the spiritual path are also part of ‘self study’.

Ishvara pranidhana or ‘dissolving into the Infinite’. Here, for short periods of time in the beginning, and later for longer, we discover the stillness of an open heart where our sense of separateness dissolves, and our actions flow from wholeness. A wise and infinitely spacious mind is discovered. Our choices and actions are temporarily not motivated by ‘small self interest’ but a desire to nurture the innate Buddha Nature of all of creation. *Interestingly enough, ‘Ishvara Pranidhana‘ first appears in the more advanced teachings of the Samadhi Pada, and also as one of the Niyamas introduced later in the Sadhana Pada. There is a lot to unfold in these two words!

After introducing the practices of Kriya Yoga, Patanjali then addresses the two goals of these practices: the development of meditative absorption, (a more advanced practice known as samadhi, described in detail in both the Samadhi and Vibhuti Padas); and the ‘attenuation’ of the primary impediments to awakening known as the five Kleshas. “If the goal is Awakening, what gets in the way of our realization’? These five impediments are:

Avidya: fundamental ignorance; confusing delusion for reality: literally ‘not seeing.’
Asmita: confusing mental activity and/or any of the five koshas for the Self. (see sutra I-4)
Raga: unquenchable desire for pleasure; for something to make me feel whole. I want – I need – I have to have
Dvesa: unquenchable desire to avoid pain: to immediately get rid of anything that makes me feel uncomfortable
Abhinivesha: the inherent fear of dying

We now circle back to our practices and consider how they can help overcome these very challenging obstacles. We take time to examine our behavioral patterns and look for ways in which the kleshas are active. We can do this ‘off the mat’ by just holding the question, why am I doing this?, as we go about our day. On the mat or meditation cushion, we can observe more deeply the flow of mental activity. Most of our dysfunctional behavior comes from unconscious forces, so slowing down and paying more attention to our thoughts and actions will begin this process. But to do this, we need the discipline that leads us to a stability in our meditation.

Later on in the chapter, Patanjali introduces a set of eight practices, Ashtanga (eight limbs)Yoga to help us in developing self discipline, uncovering our unconscious patterns of thought and action and healing them. The first five are the final sutras of the Sadhana Pada and are considered to be more external, or preparatory for meditation. The last three limbs begin the Vibhuti Pada and are considered to be more internal or meditative.
The eight limbs are:

Yama: five guidelines for interpersonal relationships, offered as ‘what not to do’
Niyama: five guidelines for more personal elements of personal practice, offered as ‘what to do’.
Asana: Exploring the more tangible self-organizing capacities of the human body
Pranayama: Exploring the more subtle energy body
Pratyahara: Exploring the role of the sense organs in creating ‘raga and dvesa

Dharana: the act of bringing ones attention to a single place, again and again, amidst the distractions.
Dhyana: meditation; sustaining attention, with will power, to help resolve the distractions.
Samadhi: meditative absorption, where sense of self and time disappear


Embodying Presence:

Winter Series Mid-Term Notes

Being: Living in Presence: Three Commitments (from Adyashanti)

Commitment to Stillness as the root of Presence
Commitment to resting in the breathing flow, as both portal and anchor
Commitment to compassion for our humanity and the challenges of the commitments

Becoming: Three Principles of Embodying

Finding and feeling the dynamic field of aliveness as vibration and tone
Discovering/feeling/exploring the Yin and Yang poles of tone as:
weight/lightness, condensing/expanding, flexion tone/extension tone etc.
Finding and resting in balanced tone as a portal to Stillness

Belonging: Living/practicing the four Brahma Viharas in all of our relationships in the world
Loving-kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, Equanimity

Discover and explore how these three link together in our daily lives. As a personal example, it is an act of loving kindness to myself to do my practice every morning. Part of that practice involves invoking compassion as a way of opening my heart. The breathing is essential in both Embodying and Presence practices. I feel my aliveness being more juicy in the presence of joy. My heart opens more when I can feel others distress and suffering.

Embodying Presence as
a vibrational field, embracing all, from atoms to cells, organs, tissues and the world around us

Becoming as awakening to, and exploring the feeling of, the living, breathing, bio-dynamic presence of the body’s energy field. We will call this organizing field as ‘primary tone‘ as it has a vibrational quality, as in music.

Explore primary tone beginning in the feet at K-1. Climbing the wall, walking, dancing, any way to engage your feet. In skiers tadasana, find the flexion/extension balance through feet, ankles, knees and hips, keeping the pelvis vertical, neither ‘tucking’ nor ‘untucking’, as the body bobs up and down. Let your tail hang freely, like a dog, bird or reptile. Feel the support of Mother Earth as yin/grounding/flexion/condensing, as well as the support of Father Sky as yang/ space / extension/ expansion. Here primary tone connects to the Cosmic support of gravity and boundary-less space.

Explore going in and out of the simple standing forward bend, uttanasana, maintaining the flexion/extension tone balance in the legs and notice how the spine responds. Feel the flexion / extension through the joints as an expanding / condensing throughout the whole body.

Connect K-1 to the pubic bones and then sternum, feeling a lift and support to the yin front body and organs, and repeat the above two explorations.

Explore primary tone as a living, dynamic three dimensional volume, surrounding the three dantien spaces, and linked with the Microcosmic Orbit. Dantien means ‘exlixir field’ and thus implies an energetic vibrancy. Our entry points to the volumes are the three bony cavities, the pelvis, ribs and skull.

In general the tone of the Yin/ front body/ gut body/ torso flexion/ condensing Conception Vessel tends to be to low and the tone of the yang/back body/spinal column/ torso extension/ expanding Governing Vessel, tends to be too high. This may be a pattern that begins in utero (premature birth doesn’t allow the compressive forces that build yin flexor tone) or just from a sedentary lifestyle. Our intention is to explore the state of balance between yin/yang and adjust accordingly.


Our starting points to awaken/strengthen yin front body tone are: The pubic symphysis for the lower dantien, the sternum for the middle, and the birthing crown* at the back of the skull near where the upper occipital bone meets the two parietal bones.

(* This is a term Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen uses. First to differentiate it from the crown chakra at the top of the skull, and also as the point of initiation of the birthing impulse of extension, when the baby begins to emerge from the deep torso flexion of the late womb state.

Ideally for labor, the baby is positioned head-down, facing your back, with the chin tucked to its chest and the back of the head ready to enter the pelvis. This is called cephalic presentation. Most babies settle into this position with the 32nd and 36th week of pregnancy. Other fetal positions for birth include different types of breech (feet down) and occiput p
osterior position (face up).)

Awakening primary tone through hands, feet and mouth.

While sitting, feel your hands gently and slowly opening and closing around a center point (Pericardium 8), like a bird about to clasp a branch. Feel you whole body responding. With your feet on the floor, feel them creating (yang) that same flexing/condensing and extending/expanding from the soles of the Feet (K-1), and feel the whole body joining in. You can have in dog pose with this, engaging all four limbs. Feel the body receiving the action (Yin) and then feel the hands and feet receiving the action (yin) from the action (yang) of the body (diaphragm, ribs, lungs, abdominal wall etc).

Now find you soft palate at the back of the mouth (you can use your tongue if necessary). Gently open and close your mouth in an expanding/condensing action similar to hands and feet. Relax you jaws and facial muscles to allow this some ease. Now imagine a gentle suckling action at the soft palate with the tongue, like in nursing. Feel you whole gut body responding, feeling the gentle movement. Relax and feel the primary tome throughout the entire body, from head to toes and skin to organs and bone marrow.

Now place your hands on the back of your skull, like in sirsasana (head balance), and as the mouth slowly opens , lift the back of the skull very gently opening the top front of the spine at Skull – C-1. Feel that as the mouth closes, the upper back of the neck releases as the skull bone oscillates back over C-1. By learning to feel the back of the skull as a source point of initiating extension/ expansion, as at birth igniting, many/most neck issues can be resolved.

Working with Trauma

Embedded in the primary tonal field of the body are pockets of resistance and holding. These come from psychological and emotional traumas, large and small, as well as injuries. Large traumas usually need the help and support of professionals in the world of psychotherapy, as when the trapped energy is triggered, it can often overwhelm the capacity to stay stable amidst the storm. A trained therapist with a grounded nervous system and stable primary tone can act as an anchor and stabilizer as we learn to navigate out own inner world. this is analogous to a parent helping to stabilize a young child when in a state of overwhelm/meltdown. This is why having a deep connection to Mother Earth and Father Sky is important for adults. We all need support for our challenges.

In working with smaller traumas, we can take support from the Stillness awakened in our meditation practice and the linking our our priamry tome to the Cosmic Fields of Mother Earth/Gravity and Father Sky/Spaciousness . the organism inherently moves toward healing and wholeness, but sometimes this process becomes stuck (dukkha). this is why continous practice is essential in the awakening process